My wife left me... to go on vacation. Yes, I'm alone with the kids for a full business week, and I'm scared. Don't get me wrong; I'm fully equipped and capable of taking care of my children without assistance for a duration. I'm not ignorant to the fact that women and divorced parents have been doing this for a very long time, but I'm always surprised by how lonely it feels. It's almost like being Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away, except your kids are filling in for Wilson, his makeshift friend made from a volleyball. They provide companionship, just without much substance—unlike the companionship my wife provides.
This is not the first time my wife has gone away for a few days, but this will, by far, be her longest duration of absence. I want her to go do these things unimpeded without feeling guilty for being away, and I'm grateful that we're both in a position that we can do this. But my body had other plans. So with all of that said, I reached the point in my life that I had to be evaluated by medical professionals before she left to make sure I wouldn't die while she was away.
Dad man walking
I suppose my last statement requires some explanation. If you've read anything else I've ever written, you would know that I have extensive health issues. None of them are life-ending, just life-altering. My major malady is multiple sclerosis, which causes an abundance of interesting side effects. This is relevant, I promise.
Two days before my dear wife's departure, I suffered what I would deem a Mountain Dew-level EXTREME (yell it out or silently for effect) headache. I've been getting headaches and migraines my entire life, but seldom do I have one of this caliber. It's like getting punched repeatedly in the face. That's not an exaggeration, as I have actually been punched in the face. One of my best physical attributes is having a punchable face.
Anyway, this aching bastard of a headache resolved by the next morning (the day before she left), even though my sleep was adversely impacted. The headache is exhibit 1.
Later that day, I started having chest pain. Okay, again, this on its own isn't a big deal, as I've been having intermittent chest pain throughout my adult life. I'm even regularly monitored by a cardiologist. Shoot, I'm having sharp chest pain as I write this! It's not a big deal, but an idea subconsciously started to worm its way into my head. Am I having a stroke or heart attack? Did my brain start hemorrhaging overnight? My nervous system is already consuming itself, so why wouldn't the rest of my body start to rebel? It's only a matter of time, right? Chest pain is exhibit 2.
My final item for your consideration is that my entire left arm went numb sometime around dinner time. I was in the middle of cooking dinner, and zap, dead arm. Don't freak out; I could still use it, just not much feeling there. Again, this on its own is not anything to be alarmed about. Numbness, tingling, pain, etc., are all common and occur frequently, but all of these symptoms combined form... a medical emergency? Numb left arm is exhibit 3.
A physical specimen
It was at this point that my wife and, admittedly, I became concerned. She was leaving the next day, and I might be ruining her well-planned and well-deserved vacation with her friends. We came to the determination at this point that I should take my inaugural trip to the emergency room. Out of an abundance of caution, naturally.
So, I loaded up, kissed my family goodbye, and made my way to the ER. I'm no stranger to hospitals. I would consider myself a de facto timeshare owner of hospital real estate, considering the amount of money and time I've poured into them. So, I know the drill well upon arrival and have a pretty good comprehension of what's about to happen based on my current symptoms.
When I got there, I got checked in and was quickly moved back to a room where several staff appeared and started the evaluation process: EKG, blood work, monitors, and more! They moved fast and efficiently, and I am always grateful for the folks that decide to do this type of work. If someone has never experienced this, I can imagine how frightening it may be. I knew that nothing was immediately concerning at this point as the overall pace slowed down dramatically after my EKG. Great!
Then the waiting game begins, more tests, imaging, etc... Still moving at an exaggerated pace but slow if all you need to know is that you aren't going to die. Just tell me if I'm being a hypochondriac or if I need to provide my living will and get on with my inevitable death. Either way, I'm always anxious to get it over with so I can sleep for eternity or get on with my day. There is no animosity towards my care team for this. It's just how things work.
So after a battery of tests and images, I was informed that I was indeed a physical specimen, nothing wrong at all, except for my ever-present disease-riddled body. Despite the knowns, I was in perfect shape. This was, again, just the MS.
What a relief and disappointment all at the same time! Sometimes, this dad just needs a nap, even if it's a dirt nap. Kidding aside, now the wife could go on her trip knowing that I won't die in her absence. I'm too considerate for that anyway; I will wait for her to be fully present when I die. I'll get her full attention then!
What a relief to be normal
I'm used to getting bad medical news, so it often comes as a mildly welcome surprise when everything is fine. The lesson here is that you shouldn't ever be too proud or blasé to get something checked out; it could save your life and your wife's vacation from impending doom.
I always feel like I'm burdening doctors and nurses whenever I go into the ER, but they always assure you that you did the right thing. One of my doctors said it best, "We're much better at telling you what it isn't, not what it is." That's good enough for me, doc. I'll keep having these problems, but as long as I know I'm not going to die when I experience them, I'm good. Now I just have to navigate 5 days of filling the shoes of the best activity planner in the world. I fed them donuts for breakfast this morning, so I think we're off to a good start. Just pray for me.
What’s your ultimate, low-bar survival meal when you’re flying solo with the kids? Send me a message or drop a line in the comments so I can plan tomorrow’s breakfast.
Dad out.