Pixels, Politics, and Pwning N00bs: The Lifelong Gamer's Guide to Parenting

Video games will rot your brain and make you murder people!

At least, that's what I was told growing up. I've been a lifelong gamer, and I don't regret a single second of it. I have core memories of my dad bringing home an Atari 2600 when I was just three years old. Magical.

I can literally form my life's timeline on the memories of video games that were so profoundly impactful they etched themselves permanently into my gray matter. When I was five, my brother and I got a Nintendo Entertainment System for Christmas. It came with the combo Mario/Duck Hunt cartridge, and our parents also got us the golden Legend of Zelda cart to go with it. It was at this point that I was officially hooked.

I have subsequently owned and played every generation of game console in existence, minus some of the unattainables because we weren't rich (I'm talking about the Neo Geo, 3DO, etc.). Not only that, but I can distinctly remember my rough age and major life events purely based on the release timeline of different video games and consoles.

If you asked me what my favorite console of all time is, I would emphatically tell you about the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES). The graphics were revolutionary, the game library was remarkable, and I remember hours of playing with my friends. Pure magic for my growing brain.

My parents would often tell me that I would "grow out of it" or that "that stuff will rot your brain." My brother did grow out of it, but I refused... probably because of oppositional defiance. Regardless, I've been playing since I can remember and still play today, albeit not to the same extent. Needless to say, I am fond of video games, in case you couldn't tell.

This love would eventually progress into sharing my passion with my two kids. We curtail their playtime extensively, but I'll admit to participating in a few prolonged sessions of Mario Kart and Mario Party. Being a parent, I am constantly asking myself, "Self, is this helping or harming my kids?" I didn't think I could answer that question on my own, so I did some digging.

Pros before... no's

I have heard all my life that video games are detrimental to your mind, body, and soul. I, of course, never fully subscribed to those points of view, but that doesn't necessarily mean I am right.

I vividly recall that politicians in the 90s really hated video games and wanted them eradicated because they were big poopy heads. The actual reason video games were so heavily scrutinized was because of their use by the perpetrators of mass shooting events, such as Columbine. These politicians attributed their violent behavior to playing violent video games like Doom and Mortal Kombat (both are completely kid-friendly, amazing games, obviously!).

Of course, correlation doesn't equal causation, and those ideas were eventually proven false through careful research. Not only that, but because of those hearings, video games won the day by falling under the auspices of protected speech. You know, that pesky First Amendment always getting in the way. You can say almost anything you want, even when it's complete BS, and be OK because of free speech. Don't even get me started on the Speech and Debate Clause—if you don't know what I'm talking about, look it up. I might even do a whole separate piece on that someday.

But getting back to the point: I had to ask myself if there was some merit to their original statements. Probably not, but let's see what the current research says.

Let's first explore the potential positive effects of video games.

Wow! Look at all the positive benefits through your entire lifespan. This scientifically accurate, completely unbiased, AI-generated infographic perfectly encapsulates the benefits of gaming. It appears that the major level-up from playing video games happens in your brain. Let's look specifically at the childhood phase of gaming goodness.

Through ages 5-12, those digital daemons of pure awesome are working hard to improve critical thinking skills (can confirm), enhance reading skills, and increase motor coordination. Moving into adolescence, these skills are still present but seem to focus more on teamwork and interpersonal skills. This makes sense, as this is around the time kids evolve into online, competitive play.

I would also posit that adolescence is where they refine their insults and cursing in anticipation of military service. Back when I was playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare competitively online, I lost count of the numerous times I was cursed out and called just about everything in the Urban Dictionary for pwning their n00b @5535. If you can't take the heat, kid, get your ass out of my kitchen!

These same positive effects are seen throughout adulthood. It's crazy how playing video games keeps your mind sharp, reflexes strong, and encourages social engagement throughout your entire life. But is it all roses?

The Brain Rot

Again, I put in hours of grueling work generating this highly accurate, totally scientific, AI-generated infographic for your lazy viewing pleasure.

Holy crap! That's a lot of negative effects. Were my parents right? Have I been rotting my brain and body since childhood?! Eh.

Looking at this infographic, it would indeed seem that the deleterious effects far outweigh the positive, but wait a minute... a lot of these negative metrics are directly competing with what makes video games good for you. What gives! Let's do a net positive/negative correlative infographic to see what's really going on... again, completely scientific.

Putting everything into perspective, I see what's happening now.

All Things in Moderation

My grandfather used this phrase extensively. He was a would-be priest (thanks, Grandma) turned electrical worker, so you could say he had some chops when it came to solid philosophical advice. He literally graduated from a Catholic seminary but never took his vows because he met my grandmother.

So, the big question still lingers: Are video games bad for you, especially your kids? The answer is a very unambiguous yes and... no.

As clearly stated, video games are good for you in MODERATION. It's like all things in life: too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. That old man from North Dakota may have been on to something here.

Just think about the implications of that statement across the board. Eat too much, you get fat and develop health issues, but you still need sustenance to survive. Drink too much, and you'll destroy your liver, but small amounts can be considered good for you (still debatable) depending on what study you adhere to. Hell, even too much water can be bad for you, as you run the risk of a malady known as hyponatremia.

Finally, video games can be good for you—as long as you don't let them rule your life or the lives of your children.

So, let your kids play those video games, but just be sure to curtail their time and attention to them. Give them varied experiences and don't forget to give them food and water... just not too much. Remember the wisdom of my grandfather and probably clergy everywhere: all things in moderation.

Let me know in the comments if you've had similar experiences in gaming or if you simply think I'm an idiot. Thanks for reading, and if you enjoyed any of this, please like and subscribe to get all of my musings in the future, completely free of charge.

Dad out. Time to pwn s0me n00bs.