One thing you need to get acclimated to quickly as a parent is the full gamut of bodily fluids. Lately, our household has been ravaged by sickness, which isn't completely abnormal having two kids in school, but this bug was on a whole new level. I'm talking about nuclear poops here. Everyone in the house was spraying ass shrapnel everywhere like it was the apocalypse. My youngest, who still isn't potty-trained (more on that another time), was filling diapers up like tiny shit-filled swimming pools. My God, it was horrendous! One morning we awoke to her covered in her own poop like a pig in mud, and no one thought it was fun or cute. I had to wash her sheets and clothes twice. It was that bad. There's nothing more humbling than wringing out poop water in the bathroom sink. If you ever come visit, I swear it's been sanitized.
You would think that whatever has been haunting our household would burn its way through in a few short days, but nope! Like the Cranberries song, this one has to linger. It all started with me and lasted just over five days before I stopped the sewage leak that was pouring out of my 4th point of contact. It subsequently moved on to my youngest... then my wife and finally my oldest. Like I stated earlier, a fast burn would've been much more preferable to the weeks-long affair that this has become. I have cleaned multiple toilets, stocked several rolls of toilet paper and went through so many electrolyte tabs... so much poop.
So, if you too are going through something similar, you are definitely not alone and, if you have the time, please pray for us, for we have sinned. I'm not sure what offense we may have caused the universe, but it seems that it was a grievous injury. Dad out.
Update: We can now add voluminous vomit to this enduring saga.🤮🫠