The World Cup just wrapped up here in North America, and my, was it a treat! I am not ignorant to the fact that European football, footie, soccer, or whatever name you'd like to ascribe to it, typically takes a back seat to every other "American" sport under the sun, but it is gaining traction here. Also, with us hosting the Cup this go-around, it seems as if more Americans are beginning to open their eyes to the beauty of the game.
One resounding theme that's been presented to us Americans through social media is how all of our European visitors are genuinely shocked by how nice we are and how nice our country is. This got me thinking a bit about the duality of the average American.
The rest of the world maintains a stereotypical worldview of how Americans are. I think some descriptive words would be "loud," "cowboys," "arrogant," and "free." You get the gist. None of these adjectives are wrong, but as is the case with all things in life, people don't necessarily fit the box you put them in.
Ope!
"Let me sneak right by ya and grab some ranch." This oft-repeated phrase can be heard echoing throughout the aisles of any midwestern grocery store...anywhere. It's a simple, unassuming phrase but elegantly epitomizes the American experience to a T. I'm a midwesterner, and I can't argue the fact that I know deep in my soul I have uttered those exact words, in sequence, a time or two. It's baked into who we are from birth. Midwesterners just can't help being unassumingly polite.
You may be thinking that this is stupid, and it is, but let's break the entire thing down to encapsulate the recent revelations of our foreign cousins. "Ope!" Never has a single word conveyed apology, surprise, and genuine care for your neighbor in a single sound. I was genuinely curious if this word had a specific definition or was a recognized dictionary word. The answer is, kind of? Ope doesn't have a distinctive place in Merriam-Webster yet, but it does have what I would deem an accurate definition on Wikipedia:
Ope is an interjection in American English, often associated with the Midwestern United States, used to express mild surprise, acknowledge a minor social infraction, or politely signal one's presence. It frequently appears in phrases such as "Ope, let me squeeze past ya" or "Ope, sorry about that."[1] Though popularly considered a distinctly Midwestern expression, linguists have noted that the underlying sound occurs across the English-speaking world, including in Canada and the United Kingdom.
As I stated before, Ope encapsulates that midwestern hospitality and outward kindness, and I do believe that to be the case for most of us here in the midwest. When I was traveling regularly, people on the west and east coasts were always surprised by "how nice we were".
We don't think of ourselves as nice per se; we're just conforming to what most of us were brought up with in the social conventions of our region. I and most of the people I know were brought up to show people kindness, lend a helping hand, and be polite. You know, the basic tenets of living in a civil society. Apparently this is aberrant behavior throughout the rest of the world (I would argue it's not), because if any of these social media videos are genuine, visitors were legitimately shocked by how nice and welcoming people are here. Many folks seemed to have a preconceived ideal that we were all violent, rude, assholes that would shoot you in the face should you disturb us. I suppose that holds some merit in Washington D.C., but not in the Midwest, baby! We'll be polite to you even if we hate you. Ope!
But we aren't just serving up smiles and polite apologies to our foreign guests; we're also serving up massive plates of calories. Which brings me to:
Food Wars!
Another theme that arose while researching this musing was the awe and wonder espoused by so many foreigners regarding food in the United States. If you're curious what I'm talking about, just Youtube "foreigners trying biscuits and gravy for the first time", its revelatory. How quickly people forget that we have two forces acting to the benefit (hyperbole) of all people here in the United States: Capitalism and obesity. Yes, Americans are fat for a reason; our food is absolutely delicious. It's so good that RFK looked at the food pyramid and said, "Nah, son! Let's flip that shit and give the people meat and dairy because that's what's delicious!" (WARNING: I do not in any way condone what our HHS secretary has done or will do in the future. I just have to tread lightly so the brain worms don't come for me too.)
So, everyone knows that there are only a few components that make food tasty in the United States: fat and sugar. Woo, do we like putting those two things in almost everything we make and consume. I'm not just talking about granulated sugar either; I'm talking about high-quality, ultra-processed corn syrup. Ugh, we love corn syrup here, as is evidenced by the massive swaths of land being consumed by our never-ending hunger for all things corn. We love corn and fat so much that people make butter sculptures of corn. It's true; look it up.
I would also say salt, but I feel like that's a given almost everywhere (it's not). So to recap, we consume mass amounts of fat and sugar to make us fat and diabetic so we can feed the capitalist medical system by buying weight loss drugs to undo the damage we just did to ourselves by consuming all of that delicious food.
So, yes, American food is surprisingly delicious, BUT it comes with a price—both to your waistline and your wallet. Speaking of wallets...
Capitalism Run Amok
Not all reactions to America were so rosy. There are many videos of visitors being in abject shock when presented with parking costs upwards of $100 when trying to park a car at a World Cup event. Nothing encapsulates our version of capitalism so well. People really need something, so we're going to mark it waaaay up...because we can and we like money. It really is insane that there are zero guard rails to this.
This really is indicative of two new trends in the American economy: surge pricing and surveillance pricing.
So, do you recall that all of these big tech companies have been accumulating data on you for multiple years? Well, those giant assholes are selling your data to retailers so they can implement surveillance pricing. What is this you may ask?! Google describes this model as:
How Surveillance Pricing Works
- Data Gathering: Companies collect granular real-time information via cookies, app tracking, purchase history, and data brokers.
- Algorithmic Profiling: Artificial intelligence estimates the maximum price a specific individual will tolerate before abandoning a purchase.
- Personalized Variation: Two different shoppers buying identical items simultaneously are charged different amounts, distinct from broad market-based dynamic pricing.
Wow, amazing! We're number 1, we're number 1! We're number 1 at destroying people's health, souls, and wallets. What type of giant asshole thought this up and subsequently implemented it!? Come on! This really is the epitome of capitalism run amok. Also, does anyone really believe the government is going to shut this down under our current administration? Ok, maybe about 27% of the population does...I'll just leave that alone.
So, come to America! You will find kind people, delicious food, and insane prices (all true). It's not perfect, but it's who we are. Trust me, I know what we got here and maybe that's why everything runs at a premium but don't be surprised the next time you talk to one of us and we aren't a giant jerkface. We really aren't all awful, just some of us...
Credit: Yahoo Sports
Dad out.