I Might Be Autistic.

That's a pretty bold statement from Beard-Dad! That "might" also might be doing a lot of heavy lifting because I probably am autistic.

When our youngest was born, she seemed relatively typical, if not overly subdued. Pretty nice, right? Nice to have a baby that rarely cries and isn't overly stimulated... except for the occasional instance where she would just start crying at random and would go on for prolonged periods of time without any sign of a trigger.

That's normal, right?

That should have been the first red flag, but as parents, how would you know anything is a little different without it being apparent?

The "Different" Track

By the time she was one, we came to the difficult realization that she was exceptionally delayed. Not crawling, not babbling, not responding to her name... she just wasn't doing much of anything. So, we contacted a local county organization that helps kids with delays get on the right track... or a different track. (I could probably make a whole other post about what "right" actually is or isn't).

Anyway, early in this process, my wife and I came to the conclusion that we should probably have her evaluated. What we really thought was: she needs to be evaluated for autism. If your memory is better than mine—which I'm betting it is—remember my wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. She knows.

So, being the good parents that we are, we got an appointment with our local children's hospital neurology department. The wait times for the autism clinic were over a year to be seen (read my take on healthcare in The Burden of Care). These insanely long wait times prompted us to get into neurology because we had potential concerns for other neurological deficits. I believe the wait time for that clinic was a "short" 6 months. Oh boy!

Without further boring you with the mundane details, she was subsequently diagnosed with autism and global developmental delay, which often go hand in hand.

The Light-Bulb Moment

You might be wondering why I'm going into the long, drawn-out backstory about my daughter and her diagnosis. It's because, being the overly curious person that I am, I began to notice a pattern in all the related educational materials about autism.

Most of what I was reading painted a picture of my own life and the things that I've experienced. Imagine, if you will, me sitting at my computer, digesting all of this information, and a light-bulb instantly pops over my head! (Or an exclamation point for all of you weird nerds out there).

"Ah ha!" I thought, "I might be autistic." And, as my wife can attest to, I am almost always right. If you're reading this, honey, I love you, and you're always right.

So with my newfound revelation, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. Just kidding, I opened up Dr. Google and went to work. There are many great resources for individuals looking for answers in their own lives. Specifically, Embrace Autism has amazing screening tools that you can use (for free) to see if you have the potential of being on the spectrum.

Disclaimer: No, they are not paying me for this bump, and I have no affiliation... but I'm open to it! (wink, wink) Ironically, my wife sent this site to me somewhat as a gaffe because she had received it through work channels. Well, the joke's on you, babe; I took those tests and scored so well that I would put Trump's cognitive scores to shame.

Putting It to the Test

In reality, test after test strongly suggested that I'm probably autistic. Recently, I again took three surveys: the AQ, RAADS-R, and the CAT-Q. I'll share the most recent results with you now.

1. The AQ (Autism Spectrum Quotient) According to Embrace Autism, this is "A general overview of autistic traits across communication, social interaction, attention, and thinking style." Neat. I thought I blew this out of the water. I took it intending to prove how non-autistic I am. Wrong. You would think higher scores are good, right? I learned as early as kindergarten to always do my best and get a high score. Shoot, games are also based on the premise of getting high scores. Also, wrong.

Huh.

Must be an anomaly. Let's take another one.

2. The RAADS-R Next on the autism train of self-discovery, I took the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale Revised. That one is not fun to type out. Once again, Embrace Autism explains, "A detailed look at autistic patterns across your life. This test was developed to identify high-masking autistics as well." Surely, you don't hide your perceived autism, Beard-Dad, you're so "normal." Well, I might be autistic, and don't call me Shirley. Double "huh." Let's see what my score says.

Well, shit. Could just be a coincidence, right?

Wrong again!

3. The CAT-Q The third test I took today was the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire. What does Embrace Autism say about this one? "Explore how you adapt or mask/camouflage autistic traits in daily social situations." Pfffft. Get outta here, I'm not "masking" anything. Let's see the score.

Oh. Maybe this one is inverse, and higher means lower?

...Well, shit. There ya have it.

Connecting the Dots

I took all of these tests and more previously and just so happened to be in therapy at the time. What providence! Remember, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, had a major life change with retirement, and shortly after that, had a profoundly autistic child. So you could say it was good for me to talk to someone.

I approached my therapist about it, and she also felt like this revelation wasn't so unfounded, although it was beyond her scope of practice to officially diagnose autism.

You may be curious if I've sought out a diagnosis. I haven't because, as stated previously, I'm cheap and this is one of those things insurance doesn't cover. Maybe someday...

I haven't taken this many tests since college, so that's all the personal insight I'm giving you today, but I think we have a major takeaway: I might be a little neuro spicy! This explains a lot in my life. This also confirms a hunch that I've had for some time: the Army is autistic. (I'll elaborate more in a future post).

More importantly, all of this gives me a little bit better perspective of my daughter and what she may be experiencing, especially because she can't voice it. It's important to remember that we're all different in different ways, and we all bring gifts to the table no matter how apparent or hidden they may be. We just have to look.

Dad Out.